Remembering Peyton

Two years ago today, we lost our second daughter, Peyton, at 13 weeks gestation. She had a genetic disorder and was not developing properly. If she had made it to full term, she would have had a very short, very hard life, and the quality would have been less than normal. We didn’t know any of this until after the biopsy came back – my body showed no signs of anything being wrong (which is strange because my other 2 pregnancies had wicked bleeding spells and both girls are fine). One day, there was a heartbeat and the next, there wasn’t.

I know a lot of people don’t count miscarriages and children who were born dead as being part of the family, but we do. We’ve very openly told Norah that she has another little sister – other than Lucy. We talk about her, we have a shelf where we put a little angel figurine and a newborn shirt we had purchased for her.  And each year on September 5, we do a little something to remember her – last year, we had a special day at the park and we left a little pile of rocks by a tree in memory of her (Norah’s idea, but she was 1.5 at the time). This year, we’re probably going  to go to the park again, but I’m not sure what our special thing will be. I’m sure it will come to us.

Losing a child at any stage of life is not something I’d ever wish on any parent. It’s hard on every level imaginable, and even on some that you can’t even begin to understand until you’re there. But in losing her, I learned that I’m a lot stronger – that we as a family, as a couple, are a lot stronger than I’d given us credit for.  She helped us mature, to be more understanding, to appreciate the fragility of life. For someone who never made a debut in the world as a living, breathing person, she sure did change our lives for the better.

So today we remember Peyton and cherish the things she unknowingly gave us. And tomorrow, I will be spending the day with my family, away from the computer…so I will see you all on Tuesday. I hope you have a wonderful Monday.

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