The idea of a “princess problem” is one that I’ve stumbled across several times this week online – once in this article about a little girl who wants a princess themed birthday party, a few times on a discussion board about raising girls, and most recently here, in an article about a t-shirt JCPenney is pulling from the market.
In a nutshell, the first story is about a little girl who wants a princess-themed birthday party and it almost leads to her feminist mother having a heart attack on the spot because, well, princesses are not for feminist girls! The second article is about a lack-luster choice of words on a girls’ t-shirt that was being sold at JCPenney. One of the last phrases in that story is “Disney-spawned princess problem.”
Basically, people don’t like the fact that the I’m a princess! girly-girl mentality is being packaged and handed to our little girls on a daily basis. And I get that, I really do. I don’t want my kids to think that they’re only worth something because they’re pretty or if they get attention from someone physically attractive, but as the [feminist] mother of 2 little girls who absolutely LOVE princess movies, books, and stories, I disagree with the anti-princess movement. After looking at the good lessons these princess stories can teach our daughters (and sons for that matter!), I have to wonder if there’s really a “problem” after all…. or if the so-called damage has been blown way out of proportion.
Belle, from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, for instance, is a smart and charming girl. She’s polite, she’s intelligent, and she reads constantly. Her ability to see past physical appearances – first by rejecting a handsome but unsavory suitor and later by learning to love the Beast even though he’s rough around the edges and not physically appealing – is a trait I wish more people in real life possessed. So if my girls want to read a lot, learn to be good judges of character, and maintain their behavior in a polite fashion because they want to be like a Disney princess, I’m fine with that. (That falling in love with a critter that isn’t human thing on the other hand….)
And what about Mulan? She faces the strictest sexism by going against laws to join the army and ultimately saves her country! She changes history and ends up with her man. What’s so wrong with that?
Or Jasmine, who despite being an actual princess, wants to marry a commoner because she loves him rather than marrying a prince just for the sake of getting married. She’s smart and wants to live her own life – a true independent woman. Again, these are all good lessons/traits for my girls to learn.
And Ariel – she’s got her own ideas about what she wants for her life. Long before she meets Prince Eric, she longs to be a human so she can learn and do things above the water. Another lesson in independence.
So I guess I’m failing to see the true problem with these characters. I’m failing to see how liking princesses at all is such a terrible thing. Just because my girls like them doesn’t mean they don’t roll around in the mud, wear pants, play with cars, or pretend to be superheroes. Some days, they do all of those things AND watch a princess movie. I think that by forbidding girls to see/like princess-themed things, we’re actually working against the feminism I support*.
The next time my girls are twirling around the living room, declaring themselves “Princess Duck” and “Princess Goose, ” and in the same moment pretending to be doctors, lawyers, artists, and teachers – I’ll just chuckle to myself as I think of the term princess problem. As with a large chunk of issues related to child-rearing, it only becomes a problem when a big deal is made of nothing harmful. When left to their own devices, most kids would rather just be allowed to like princesses – and a billion other things – and leave it at that.
Well, I think there’s a huge difference between the “anti-princess movement” and feminists who simply want their daughters afforded more choices (like you and me). I’m not anti-princess. I love fairy tales, many of the old Disney movies, and dressing up. But a lot of fairy tales and Disney movies ARE problematic…Ariel gives up her voice for the prince. Her voice! The Beast is emotionally abusive to Belle (holding her hostage in his castle, acting like a tyrant). I love both of those stories/movies, Beauty and the Beast especially, but they do have their issues, and many of the traditional fairy tales are extremely sexist (though I’m an avowed fairy tale lover and don’t think those tales are as dangerous as some people say). I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reading or showing these things to our sons and daughters as long as we talk with them about the messages contained within.
My problem with “princess culture” has almost nothing to do with the princesses themselves, but with the fact that princesses—and only princesses—are being marketed to little girls. I shudder whenever I walk past the toys at Target and the “girl” aisles are festooned in pink and featuring mainly dress-up outfits and dolls, and the “boy” aisles are blue and feature all kinds of different toys. My daughter loves construction equipment, music, animals, having tea parties, helping her grandpa fix stuff with his tools, dressing up in my high heels, and playing with my makeup brushes. I’m not worried about her because I know that we strive to give her all kinds of choices, and there’s nothing wrong with loving stereotypically girly things (hey, I do!)
What I think IS a problem is the divide between girl and boy activities and interests that is pushed upon children by marketers and, frankly, a lot of parents. Girls are supposed to be pretty princesses. Boys are supposed to be active and smart. How many little girls have gone to school wearing something thought of as “boy” attire and been told that girls don’t wear that? (Sadly, I’ve heard a lot of these stories the past couple weeks). And how many little boys have parents who would encourage their daughters to play doctor, etc. but would freak out if their sons donned a feather boa? I think these word clouds re: children’s toy advertising are telling: http://www.achilleseffect.com/2011/03/word-cloud-how-toy-ad-vocabulary-reinforces-gender-stereotypes/
I also just read Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein, and it was a nice reasonable look at princess culture.
I don’t know. I guess I hold parents more accountable than that. It wouldn’t matter if all the toys were primary colors and not gender-packaged, if parents pushed one way or the other, it would still be an issue.The opposite is true as well. My daughters don’t recognize barbies as “girl” toys and pink/purple as “girl” colors and don’t call cars “boy” toys or primary colors “boy” colors. But that’s because I’ve worked with them since birth to not buy into stuff like that. I think that parents these days are too often quick to point the finger at anyone, everyone else than to take responsibility for their kids and what/how they learn.
As for the Disney movies being problematic, I still don’t see it. Belle asks to take her father’s place – and the Beast is a jerk to EVERYONE, including the males in the castle. Ariel doesn’t give up her voice exclusively for Eric, nor does he ever ask her to do such a thing – she does it because she’s mislead (by a woman) into thinking it will give her what she wants: becoming a human.
So I guess we can agree that we sort of agree and sort of don’t on this, lol. Nothing wrong with that, I actually really enjoy hearing other people’s [rational] explanations on stuff like this.
Oh yes, I totally think parents should be much more accountable than they are! But I don’t think that the parents “pointing the finger” are usually the ones (like you and me) who are actively trying to combat these stereotypes. And even with great, aware parents, media has a huge effect on kids. It probably wouldn’t be anywhere near as big of an issue if all parents were like you.
We can agree to disagree on Disney movies in particular, but a lot of kids’ shows and movies are unbelievably sexist, which is why I monitor Simone’s viewing very carefully.
I think self-discovery through play is crucial to child development.
That said, we don’t do princess in our house. We have three daughters and they love to play fairies, dress up, twirl, play Thomas the Train, construction, restaurant, astronaut, and doctor’s office (etc, etc, etc). My husband and my beef with the whole princess thing is that the whole point of those things is to be admired and to consume (to buy the shoes, boas, crowns, etc). I know that any toy series can lead to that kind of greedy consumerism, but it seems quite amplified with the princess thing. As far as the movies go, I have a problem with the movie ending with the proposal or marriage of the princess, which makes the whole thing seem like her life leads up to and ends, at least cinematically, with a marriage. I am not anti-marriage in the least, but I am against marketing that that’s all there is for girls. Ursula’s song in the Little Mermaid about what men want before Ariel sings away her vocal cords has alway bothered me. I have not seen Mulan or the newer ones, so I cannot speak to those. At any rate, I am sure that some parents teach their kids humility, gratitude, goal setting, and service simultaneously in the princess play scenarios, but I have yet to see it in our play dates. Fingers crossed!
I do like your attitude about childrearing, though. It sounds like you and David have a good balance and I hope you don’t feel judged by my rant. I find your thoughts on it very interesting. Thanks for posting this!